The following is placement advice on coping with the death of a child from Kate Bradford, a third year children’s nursing student at Kingston and St George’s University London:

 ‘Some students can go through their full three years training without such an experience; however I have sadly experienced the loss of a child on a few placements. It is a difficult experience but ultimately teaches you new depths of compassion and caring which aid your professional growth.  Every student copes with the death of a child differently. It is important to know that there is no normal, and however you are feeling is OK. Give yourself time, to shed a little LIGHT on the situation, here are some of my top tips.

Listen – If the parents want to speak, hear what they have to say. It is important to be supportive and sympathetic. They may not know how to feel either and there is no correct way for them to deal with this situation. Talking to them may help you to cope too; communication often creates shared strength and trust.

Involve – Involve the family in every process; some families like to be more involved than others, but they should always be asked. It may be the opportunity they need to feel they can give their child some last comfort. De-briefs can be important, as reflecting on what went well and what could have been done better helps develop future practice. If you are not present on the day the child dies but have worked with them before, always ask for a de-brief. It may be comforting to know that the child was well cared for and comfortable.

Grieve – It may not be your child, but you might still need a few days to grieve. Find what suits you best – some people like to go for a run, some like to watch a sad film, some prefer retail therapy. There are no rights or wrongs. Don’t let a death make you bitter, remember how beautiful the world can be.

Hug – Possibly the most important. Whether it be you who needs the hug, the parent or a colleague. There are few things that compare to the comfort of human contact, to hold a hand or share a tear, even just a show of kindness to an individual when a physical hug is not appropriate. These small acts of humanity will be valued hugely by those who receive them.

Talk – It is useful to talk about your feelings, if you feel comfortable with a colleague, lecturer, family member or spouse. Let them know if you’re struggling. Sometimes getting it off your chest can help – a problem shared is a problem halved. If there is no-one you feel comfortable talking to, there are bereavement services available in most hospitals and counselling services in universities. Speaking to someone impartial may help.’