David and Meena – Meena is a 24-year-old woman who was adopted at birth by parents of East Indian origin after they arrived in North America as immigrants. Meena’s father died when Meena was in her late teens. She has been experiencing stresses at work, as well as ongoing tensions with her mother. Meena says her mother regularly urges Meena not to let go of Indian traditions, and dispenses often unsolicited advice. She also has a tendency to “dismiss” Meena at times, which leads to Meena feeling hurt and underestimated. Meena feels conflicted—while she cherishes her East Indian roots, and prefers an intimate relationship with her mother, the tensions between them often get in the way. Recently Meena had a dinner with her mother and her boyfriend Jeremy that went better than usual. (*Note that more than one graduate student plays Meena in these roleplays)

David and Noah - Noah is a 30-year-old graduate student, married to Joanne with a 3-year-old daughter, Samantha. His life is currently very hectic and he has been struggling with the pace of things. He has been concerned about his mood lately, saying he feels “down” much of the time. In one session, he reports distress about an incident that happened a few days ago. He was in a small town and met another young man, who, upon learning that Noah was Jewish, asked “How come you’re not in the ovens?”

David and Tina – Tina is a 16-year-old student who in recent months has been neglecting her studies and partying heavily with a circle of friends. Recently she had a frightening experience when her friend Nicole was slipped a date rape drug at a rave and ended up in hospital.

David and Lynn – Lynn is a 59-year-old woman who decided to seek counselling to work through a longstanding concern about what she describes as a lack of courage in relation to various challenges, especially physical challenges. Lynn describes an incident snow-shoeing with friends when she reached an impasse: they wanted to proceed over a dangerous icy slope and she became overwhelmed with anxiety and needed help getting down from the mountain. She jokingly refers to a “cowardly gene” to capture the sense that the anxiety that overwhelms her in these situations is an expression of her fundamental nature. At the same time she is curious to challenge this notion and wants to change the way she responds in similar situations.

David and Christy – Christy is the 26-year-old mother of a 2-year-old daughter, Cristelle. She returned to her work as an employee assistance plan counselor 4 months ago after being off on a maternity leave. One month after returning to work she separated from her husband John. She has recently moved in with her parents, who she says are caring grandparents but have many opinions about parenting that sometimes cause stresses. Christy says she is not feeling much empathy for clients at work and not getting along with workmates.

This is a segment of the Relating as an ally video featured in Chapter 4. As David and Meena wind down their conversation, they look ahead to the week to come. What does David do to invite Meena to anticipate how she might continue to keep these favorable changes happening? How does he help her to anticipate possible obstacles and avoid slipping into old habits (i.e., “relapse prevention”—see Chapter 15)? How does David frame the tasks to encourage Meena to observe developments at a level of detail she might not otherwise? What aspects of this practice might you have done similarly/differently?

Analysis

Life as usual often takes over between sessions, such that preferred developments get lost as habitual patterns of interaction resume amid daily stressors. In helping to consolidate gains between sessions, it’s useful to look ahead and formulate a concrete plan for actions that will sustain the preferred developments. In doing this, it’s useful to anticipate possible obstacles by way of preventing “relapse” to old ways of being. The mere practice of talking about this helps to increase the chances clients will notice these obstacles as they arrive. This can be supplemented further by making an agreement on a plan of action—informal “homework” for the week ahead. Here David depicts Meena’s task as akin to that of a “researcher”, which encourages her to pay very close attention to the interactions so that she can learn more about them and report back next week. 

In this brief exchange, Marc brings some compliments to Frank after a consult with one of the teachers at the correctional center where Frank is currently incarcerated. To what degree does Marc invite Frank to account for the teacher’s remarks? What do you think Frank takes away from the exchange?

Analysis

“Cheerleading” is a term for issuing compliments without actively engaging the subject of the praise in processing the compliments. Here Frank is “given” a favorable rating but is not invited to account for it—to process the substance of his accomplishments, and to learn about what knowledge and skills he has drawn on to accomplish what the teacher noticed. 

Tina reports that this week she decided not to go to a rave with her friends, and stayed home and did school work instead. David becomes curious about this development. What does he do to help Tina explore the ideas and values behind this decision? Whose point of view is privileged when it comes to evaluating whether or not this is a positive development? Does Tina signal a wholehearted embrace of this decision, or does she indicate a certain ambivalence? If an ambivalence, can you point to evidence both of her supporting her choice, and having doubts about her choice? What indications are there here that Tina has been processing the incident with her friend Nicole, and re-evaluating some of her lifestyle choices? What does David say to help amplify this development while keeping Tina centered in reflecting on it and evaluating it? What aspects of this practice might you have done similarly/differently?

Analysis

In working with youth, there is the temptation to “lead from ahead” by dispensing adult wisdom about lifestyle choices. This is typically experienced as “more of the same” form youth and does not honor their judgment. In recent months, Tina has been engaging in behaviors that put her at risk of harm. In this respect, David is interested in encouraging her to make decisions that reduce that risk. But he is also aware that if Tina is to “own” those decisions, they need to emerge from her own reflection and judgment. She's therefore deliberate in not becoming overtly excited about some of Tina's recent decisions; instead, he offers up a series of questions to help Tina articulate in more detail the ideas and values behind her choices, and to evaluate their consequences. David is also deliberate about avoiding outright “cheerleading” in response to hearing that Tina stayed home and worked on homework, as well as achieving and “A” grade in an assignment. He first determines whether the grade is a departure from her usual Mark, and offers a congratulations while continuing to support her in evaluating her accomplishments. A true exception must be experienced by the client as an exception—otherwise it is only a preferred development in the eyes of the counselor and efforts to “amplify” it will be at cross purposes with the client’s agenda.

Having heard Lynn’s descriptions of the fear that overcomes her in physically challenging situations, David asks about exceptions. How does he formulate the question in a way that helps Lynn identify an example that stands outside the problem she has described? What aspects of the counselor’s practice might you have done similarly/differently?

Analysis

When problems are well entrenched, they easily persuade us that they are always present and that things have never been any different—as unlikely as this is. Here, David helps Lynn out when he asks her about possible exceptions by deliberately posing the question as to whether this concern of hers has always been present, never presenting a single gap. As it turns out she may not have needed so much diligent help, as she is able to identify an exception from the day before the incident she has already described.

This exchange was earlier seen in Chapter 4 as Relating to values, skills and abilities, and agency. David could “cheerlead” for Christy here, giving her a “gold star” for her accomplishments. What does he do instead? What questions does he ask to help Christy take credit herself for what she has accomplished, and learn from it in the process? What impact do you think this exchange would have on Christy’s motivation to continue to address the challenges she is currently facing?

Analysis

Issuing praise to a client can provide a “feel good” moment, but it has its shortcomings. For one, it is a form of judgment, although admittedly favorable judgment. Providing clients with a scorecard for their actions could lead them to turn to the counselor to ascertain the worth of their actions, when it would be preferable for them to gauge this themselves. Secondly, simple praise squanders a rich learning opportunity. Here David’s questions indicate his admiration for Christy’s accomplishments without him having to say so literally, but at the same time they engage Christy in a detailed examination of her own actions. This inquiry will help to consolidate her knowledge and resources, better preparing her to confront similar challenges yet to come.

David and Noah here agree on some possible “homework” for the coming week. The exchange follows on two segments from Chapter Thirteen: Directing attention to an embodied emotion and Identifying exceptions to emotions. Noah has identified previous activities that helped to counteract the problem of “the racing” (feeling stressed and overwhelmed) that he has described. How does David prepare Noah for entertaining homework for the week ahead? What does he do to ensure Noah’s plan is concrete and achievable? What additional task does David pitch into the mix, and why? What aspects of the counselor’s practice might you have done similarly/differently?

Analysis

In effect, homework in goal-setting. It involves collaborating with clients to establish some steps they will take which will hopefully lead to a preferred outcome. Not all clients are interested in establishing concrete homework tasks for the week between therapeutic conversations. In this case, Noah has clearly shown he is interested in concrete tasks, and David reminds him of that before joining Noah in planning homework for the week ahead. As in any collaborative goal-setting, David anticipates obstacles to achieving the homework and invites Noah to anticipate these, so that the tasks agreed-upon are achievable in Noah's present context.