Maria and Alex – Maria is a 24-year-old, second-generation Argentinian woman living in Canada who came out as a lesbian last year. Her parents are devout Catholics and opposed to homosexuality, and she feels they have not fully absorbed her sexual orientation—they see it as a “phase”. She feels they are very gradually adjusting, but is concerned that announcing the plan to move in with her partner Lisa would disturb the current peaceful equilibrium in their relationship. Maria is getting pressure from Lisa, but is concerned that moving in would be extremely upsetting to her parents, and she is stuck as to how to go forward.

Anita and Lee – Lee is a 22-year-old college student who moved to North America from rural China with his parents when he was 13 years old. He is feeling isolated and stressed by his studies. Lee is living in residence, but characterizes himself as introverted and is not engaged in the party scene there. He enrolled in engineering and is struggling with the course load. As the first member of his family to enrol in university, Lee is feeling pressure from his parents to succeed.

Gaya and Sophie – Sophie is 27 years old, married with two young children. A year ago, her husband had a routine surgery that went wrong and he has been unable to work since that time. Sophie has had to step into the primary breadwinner role. She is feeling overwhelmed, worried about finances, taking care of the children and her husband, and is sleeping poorly.

In this clip, Alex begins by inviting Maria to ask clarifying questions after he shares the limits to confidentiality. Maria then introduces the concern that brings her in. Alex works at creating space for Maria to share her story. What are some of the skills you notice him using to convey empathy and to encourage Maria to share her account? What does he do specifically to ensure his understanding of her experience matches hers? What aspects of this practice might you have done similarly/differently?

Analysis

Early in the work with a new client it is not unusual to leave large spaces for them to “get their story out”. Here Alex does that. He is primarily concerned with accomplishing a couple of key things: 1) he wants to convey empathy and compassion and reassure Maria that he is attending to her concerns; 2) he wants to ensure he has a reasonable grasp of what’s going on for Maria, and along with that he wants also to be confident Maria experiences him as “getting it”. At times he interjects to clarify points, and at times he restates some of Maria’s key words or paraphrases to communicate how he is making sense of what he is hearing and to convey his concern.

In this example, Anita does a brisk job of running through limits to confidentiality. What are the contexts she mentions in which she may choose to or be required to break confidentiality? She also shares a little bit about herself; what purpose do you think this serves? What aspects of this practice might you have done similarly/differently?

Vdeo Analysis

Anita ensures that Lee is given space to ask clarifying questions here, but she does not spend much time with this disclosure of the limits to confidentiality. In cases where the client has already read a consent form prior to meeting the counselor, this face to face re-iteration of the details provides a forum to seek clarification and discuss the details further. In some cases, clients are asked to sign a form indicating their consent. The brief autobiographical detail conveys to Lee that Anita is open to sharing about her experience, but its brevity also telegraphs the message that it is Lee’s story that is the primary focus of these conversations.

Here Alex is mostly busy listening to Maria and trying to convey an empathetic response to the story she shares. What verbals and nonverbals does he draw on to convey his empathy? What aspects of this practice might you have done similarly/differently?

Analysis

Here, Alex does not offer many of Maria’s words back to her, or substitute them with words and phrases of his own. These are additional skills for coordinating meaning (restating and paraphrasing) that you will learn about in later chapters. However, he makes a point of acknowledging that this must have been difficult for Maria, on the chance that his nonverbals alone do not sufficiently convey his empathy.

Gaya here is gathering information while Sophie begins to share a picture of what is going on for her. What information is Gaya attending to? What is the primary thrust of Sophie’s sharing, from Sophie’s point of view? What do you see in Sophie’s nonverbals that tell you how she is responding to the way Gaya is attending to her story? What aspects of the counselor’s practice might you have done similarly/differently?

Analysis

Hopefully the shortcomings in Gaya’s attending practices here was not too difficult to pick out. The demonstration is unrealistically exaggerated to paint a clear picture of the difference between 1. gathering information and 2. listening to a person express their lived experience. Sophie is not currently interested in the minute details, but rather is intent on conveying the stresses she is currently under. These are all missed by Gaya who is listening for factual content alone.

Here, Sophie opens up with a detailed account of the challenges she’s facing. What’s your estimate of the percentage of time each speaker holds the floor? What seems to be the primary task Gaya is engaged with at this early point in meeting Sophie? How does Sophie respond to the way Gaya is receiving her story? What aspects of the counselor’s practice might you have done similarly/differently?

Analysis

Often times, clients will have a lot to say initially when they meet a counselor, and the gift of the moment to them is the counselor’s attention. To feel heard and witnessed alone can have a significant impact; indeed it is often cited by clients as one of the most valuable aspects of therapy. There is a time to get active and to work with clients towards “making changes”, and there is a time to drink in their stories and ensure that they are heard and that they feel heard.