David and Noah - Noah is a 30-year-old graduate student, married to Joanne with a 3-year-old daughter, Samantha. His life is currently very hectic and he has been struggling with the pace of things. He has been concerned about his mood lately, saying he feels “down” much of the time. In one session, he reports distress about an incident that happened a few days ago. He was in a small town and met another young man, who, upon learning that Noah was Jewish, asked “How come you’re not in the ovens?”

David and Christy – Christy is the 26-year-old mother of a 2-year-old daughter, Cristelle. She returned to her work as an employee assistance plan counselor 4 months ago after being off on a maternity leave. One month after returning to work she separated from her husband John. She has recently moved in with her parents, who she says are caring grandparents but have many opinions about parenting that sometimes cause stresses. Christy says she is not feeling much empathy for clients at work and not getting along with workmates.

Noah arrives for a session agitated over the multiple responsibilities bearing down on him in his busy life. David here invites him to turn his attention to what is going on in the moment, in his body. How does David introduce this idea? What does he say in order to ensure Noah “buys in” to the idea? What does he do—verbally and nonverbally—to help Noah orient to the here and now? What shifts, if any, do you notice in Noah’s nonverbals as the conversation unfolds? What language does Noah come up with to describe the embodied feeling? What aspects of the counselor’s practice might you have done similarly/differently?

Analysis

There is a difference between 1. being carried on the current of a feeling, and 2. “sitting on the riverbank”, as it were, to observe the emotion. When we are carried by the emotion we may not even notice it; we simply act out of it and not always in a manner congruent with our intentions. In this brief exchange, David invites Noah to step onto that riverbank briefly. Notice that he anticipates Noah may feel he can’t afford to slow down what they eventually call the “racing”. After all, who will mind all the tasks he has to attend to? David is deliberate in acknowledging this to ensure Noah does not feel pushed into this moment of self-examination. David introduces the notion of turning inward gradually, and as he does, Noah’s agitation noticeably diminishes. By the end of the exchange, David and Noah emerge with a term, “the racing”, that paints a vivid picture of one aspect of Noah’s experience and which will be useful to them as they continue to work together. 

This exchange is a follow up to the one called Directing attention to an embodied emotion, also in this chapter. David and Noah now have a term, “the racing” to describe a problematic emotional state for Noah. What does David ask to identify a context that, while similar in other respects, was not accompanied by this mood? What does Noah cite as some of the helpful things he did in that context that he is not doing in the current one? How does David support him in distilling a detailed account of what precisely he was doing differently then? What do David and Noah do to critically evaluate whether this context is reasonably similar to his current one, and thus presents some feasible options? What aspects of the counselor’s practice might you have done similarly/differently?

Analysis

David and Noah have some useful shared language (“the racing”) to depict an unwanted feeling of being stressed and overwhelmed. They have already determined it is associated with having “many balls in the air”. David helps Noah to identify another time when he was equally busy with a multitude of responsibilities, but when “the racing” was not a problem. Noah identifies a number of self-care activities he was engaging in at that time. David and Noah evaluate whether the previous context was reasonably similar, such that it might be possible to initiate some of these activities in Noah’s current context. Notice that David does not leap at the possibilities offered by this exception, but rather invites Noah to evaluate whether it might provide some options. The methodical evaluation here is similar to the care taken in setting achievable goals.

Noah and David have met a handful of times about the issue they have called “the racing” (to capture the sense of the constant pressure he’s been feeling to keep up with his responsibilities). Noah has taken some initiatives to engage in self-care activities and that has been effective for him; however to his surprise he is now grappling with a feeling of guilt for doing this. What are the two key ways that Noah has attempted to deal with the guilt? What does David do to help him articulate these? How does David work with these two examples to provide a rationale for proposing an alternate approach to dealing with the guilt? What does he do to ensure Noah exercises a choice in contemplating this alternative? What aspects of the counselor’s practice might you have done similarly/differently?

Analysis

There are various ways to deal with challenges, and sometimes when one (or more) are not working, it’s worth entertaining an alternate approach. Here Noah has tried talking himself out of his guilt to no avail. He has also tried shutting it out, but this has only provoked it, leading him to feel restless. David carefully reiterates Noah’s own account of how these approaches have not been helpful to him before introducing a third option—a shift in his relationship with the problem. Until now Noah has been “doing battle with” the guilt. David wonders aloud about what it might be like to be present to the guilt rather than trying to vanquish it.

David has solicited Noah’s interest in entertaining a revised relationship with guilt. How does he ensure the guilt is “in the room” so that Noah can examine it in the moment? What does David say to clarify the posture that he is inviting Noah to take in relation to the guilt? How does David coach the use of the breath as Noah examines his inner experience? What are some of the specific descriptions that Noah has of the guilt? In what ways does the problem description become more complex and multi-faceted as Noah examines the guilt in the moment? How does David support this examination? What aspects of the counselor’s practice might you have done similarly/differently?

Analysis

David reviews aloud what Noah has said about the guilt to “stir it up”—at least sufficiently that Noah might attend to it in the moment. Here, David and Noah have some experience of doing this, so the process of turning the attention inward unfolds more quickly with less coaching. David then invites Noah to scan for the guilt in his inner experience. Notice he gives Noah time for this, coaching him to attend to his breathing. Notice also that he invites Noah to be present without judgment, but with curiousity. He acknowledges this could be challenging for Noah as Noah identifies that there is fear and caring associated with the guilt. As the description of the guilt becomes more complex, David coaches Noah to sit with it, to breathe into it, and to do no more that that. All of this will be useful to David and Noah in their continued conversations.

David here supports Noah in describing his experience of the guilt in the moment, and in sitting with it without judgment. How does he do this? What is Noah’s response to being invited to sit with the guilt? How does David segue to and prepare Noah for a debrief? What does David ask to get at Noah’s experience of relating differently to the problem? Why is it important to check on this? What aspects of the counselor’s practice might you have done similarly/differently?

Analysis

This excerpt is the tail end of an exchange in which Noah has been invited to be in the presence of the guilt without trying to argue with it or shut it out. David invites Noah to debrief on the experience and supports him in doing that by reminding him of some of the key descriptors Noah came up with. It’s important here to evaluate with Noah his experience of doing this on the chance he finds it threatening, or counterproductive. Noah seems interested and it appears some further possibilities have opened up for David and Noah as they continue these explorations because it contributes to a “thick description” of the guilt which includes the embodied experience of it.

The first time a client is introduced to the practice of turning their attention inwards to their embodied experience, some additional coaching helps to orient them to what may be a novel process. What does David say here to give Christy some degree of choice in how she proceeds? What senses does he “recruit” in order to invite her to connect with the hear and now? In introducing the breath, how does he help her to differentiate the subtleties of her experience? How would you describe David’s auditory nonverbals through this sequence? What aspects of the counselor’s practice might you have done similarly/differently?

Analysis

There are many contexts where it might be useful for a client to take a moment to attend to their inner experience. This could be to further an exploration of that experience in the room in the here and now, or to prepare for doing more of this outside of the session. It’s a good idea to explain the potential utility of this practice before inviting someone to try it out. In coaching a client to engage in what is in effect an introductory guided meditation, it’s useful to direct their attention to what they notice directly through their senses—something we often neglect as we get caught up in thoughts which carry us to other places and times. Noticing the body in the chair and background sounds in the room are two easy ways to become more grounded in the moment. The breath is typically the anchor for many meditative practices and here David invites Christy to notice it at both the nostrils and the diaphragm. Over time she will choose which location works best for her. The debrief afterwards is an opportunity for clients to articulate what she was experiencing—information that can be used to make adjustments to the process.