Pierre - Pierre is a gay man who lives with his partner, Mark. He is just recently coming off an extended period of time in which he was unemployed and mostly confined to his home by his own choice. When Pierre was a child, he was bullied at school. Brought up Catholic, he has since left the church due to its position on homosexuality. A psychologist diagnosed Pierre with Agoraphobia and named some of his bouts with anxiety as “ panic attacks”. Earlier in his life he was also diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder. Recently, Pierre took on a job as a bicycle courier, and has been struggling to keep up with the workload. His boss has expressed sympathy, but has indicated that she will need to lay him off if he is not able to increase productivity. She recommended that he see a counselor. (see also Pierre monologue in Chapter One of video resources)

Frank monologue/Marc and Frank – Frank is a 17-year-old Iroquois youth who lives on a reservation and is currently in youth detention for breaking parole by smuggling cigarettes across the US/Canada border. His father is currently estranged from the family. He has some younger brothers and sisters. Frank has had troubles with painkiller and alcohol misuse in the past. (see also Frank monologue in Chapter Four of video resources)

Maria and Alex – Maria is a 24-year-old, second-generation Argentinian woman living in Canada who came out as a lesbian last year. Her parents are devout Catholics and opposed to homosexuality, and she feels they have not fully absorbed her sexual orientation—they see it as a “phase”. She feels they are very gradually adjusting, but is concerned that announcing the plan to move in with her partner Lisa would disturb the current peaceful equilibrium in their relationship. Maria is getting pressure from Lisa, but is concerned that moving in would be extremely upsetting to her parents, and she is stuck as to how to go forward.

Anita and Lee – Lee is a 22-year-old college student who moved to North America from rural China with his parents when he was 13 years old. He is feeling isolated and stressed by his studies. Lee is living in residence, but characterizes himself as introverted and is not engaged in the party scene there. He enrolled in engineering and is struggling with the course load. As the first member of his family to enrol in university, Lee is feeling pressure from his parents to succeed.

David and Christy – Christy is the 26-year-old mother of a 2-year-old daughter, Cristelle. She returned to her work as an employee assistance plan counselor 4 months ago after being off on a maternity leave. One month after returning to work she separated from her husband John. She has recently moved in with her parents, who she says are caring grandparents but have many opinions about parenting that sometimes cause stresses. Christy says she is not feeling much empathy for clients at work and not getting along with workmates.

David and Meena – Meena is a 24-year-old woman who was adopted at birth by parents of East Indian origin after they arrived in North America as immigrants. Meena’s father died when Meena was in her late teens. She has been experiencing stresses at work, as well as ongoing tensions with her mother. Meena says her mother regularly urges Meena not to let go of Indian traditions, and dispenses often unsolicited advice. She also has a tendency to “dismiss” Meena at times, which leads to Meena feeling hurt and underestimated. Meena feels conflicted—while she cherishes her East Indian roots, and prefers an intimate relationship with her mother, the tensions between them often get in the way. Recently Meena had a dinner with her mother and her boyfriend Jeremy that went better than usual. (*Note that more than one graduate student plays Meena in these roleplays)

In this monologue first featured in Chapter One, Pierre lays out a picture of his current situation. His description captures a brief history of some challenges he has been facing and also an update on some recent developments in his life. Make a point of double listening to Pierre, relating to him as an ally. See if you can identity some of the following in his story:

1. Expressions of agency
    
2. Opinions and proactive steps informed by values
    
3. Examples of skills and abilities implemented in the face of challenges

Analysis

Things are not all going well for Pierre; he has struggled for some time and is in the midst of some current challenges as well. But there is a crack in a door leading to new territories of living more in line with Pierre’s preferences and aspirations. Noticing that crack, and helping Pierre to pry it open to new possibilities is all in the way you listen to his story. When you remind yourself of the significant challenges he has faced over many years, it is easier to notice the qualities he has drawn on to cope and sometimes to thrive. When you attend to the steps he has taken recently despite reservations, you begin to notice a striving for something better, an expression of values and hopes. When you allow yourself to hear how he has handled potential setbacks recently, you notice knowledge, skills and abilities he’s applied in challenging circumstances.

Frank is a 17-year-old youth in detention for smuggling cigarettes across the border. As he introduces himself, “double listen” to his story and see if you can identify any of the following in what he relates:

1. Expressions of agency
    
2. Opinions and proactive steps informed by values
    
3. Examples of skills and abilities implemented in the face of challenges

Analysis

Many youth in detention are dealing with a wide range of challenges, including abuse, poverty, and violence. Coupled with the events that led to their incarceration, these can promote discouragement, and make it difficult to listen for the constructive and life-affirming aspirations these young people hold, as well as the skills and abilities they posses that will help them achieve these. And yet, with the luxury of being able to stop the tape and slow the monologue down, you may notice that Frank shares many hopes for his future, and relates a story that speaks of a range of knowledges, skills and abilities that could help him to achieve those aspirations.

In this exchange called Acknowledging cultural differences in Chapter One, Alex is transparent about differences between him and Maria. What difference do you think it makes for Maria for Alex to put these things on the table? Would you say this sharing by Alex would lead to more or less trust in him and in their process? What aspects of the counselor’s practice might you have done similarly/differently?

Analysis

Counselling always happens across cultural divides. Sometimes these divides have to be attended to carefully because there is the potential for significant “blind spots” by counselors. Other times, it’s just the naming of the difference that reminds counselor and client that the quest for mutual understanding is always constrained. This can promote a sense of relaxation with the process and a reassurance that the counselor is doing his or her imperfect best.

As Anita listens to Lee talk about the pressures of school in the context of being an immigrant to North America, she hears echoes of her own experience. How does she bring this into the conversation in a manner that gives space for Lee to confirm the “fit” for him? How does Anita pick up on Lee’s response to her self-disclosure? What impact does the exchange have on their quest for mutual understanding? What aspects of this practice might you have done similarly/differently?

Analysis

It is often tempting to share with a client “I know what you mean—I’ve experienced the same thing”. Due to the complexity of our identities and the multiple contexts we inhabit, this is rarely the case. Nevertheless, self-disclosure can have a “normalizing” effect on clients’ perception of their concerns, and can also promote mutual understanding and enhance the therapeutic relationship. In order to avoid the perils of assuming identical experience, self disclosure should be made tentatively, as Anita does here. Notice that while she discovers her experience differs in some ways, the exchange helps Anita and Lee come to a better understanding of what is going on for Lee.

Christie has described the steps she has taken in order to ensure that her estranged husband John does not harm her or her child Cristelle. David relates to what she did and continues to do in terms of the values, skills and abilities, and demonstrations of agency they represent. Which of these can you list from this exchange between David and Christie? What aspects of this practice might you have done similarly/differently?

Analysis

We are not accustomed to speaking in literal terms about values, skills and abilities, and agency—rather, we perform them through our actions. In this case David makes a point of “double listening” here. He takes the story in as an ally who experiences Christie and an agent who exhibiting her purposes and intentions through her actions, and he asks questions that help to foreground these, name them, and describe them in fine-grain detail. Listening in this manner is always more than merely “discovering” what is already there; it is also the construction of these things through language. The exchange gives Christie more ready access to the decisions and actions she has taken, and in this sense has fortified and consolidated her values, abilities, and agency.

In this unedited exchange, Meena describes the latest developments over the past week in her relationship with her mother. David relates as an ally as Meena recounts her story. In other words, he perceives Meena as an agent of her actions, someone who makes choices, informed by values, in the face of challenges. Notice how the questions he asks reflect this orientation. What evidence of agency, value and choice does he uncover? What apparent impact does this have on Meena’s sense of her own efficacy, and on her motivation to continue to make changes to a troubling relationship? What aspects of this practice might you have done similarly/differently?

Analysis

There are many compelling reasons for counselors to relate as allies to the clients they work with. First of all, it conveys respect and honours the dignity of persons who seek services. Secondly, it acknowledges peoples’ efforts in the face of challenges, fortifying the therapeutic relationship in the process. Thirdly, it does not merely make competence more visible, it also contributes to fortifying and consolidating competence. Listening and relating to clients is not a passive act. We have a direct impact on the persons we are in conversation with in the way we receive them.

Frank is in youth detention for parole violation. In this exchange, Frank’s counselor Marc focuses his curiousity on some initiatives Frank has been taking to engage with his schooling. What questions does Marc ask that convey that he is a witness to the positive steps Frank has been taking and that he believes in Frank’s ability to make sound choices? What impact do you see this having on Frank’s willingness to share? What aspects of the counselor’s practice might you have done similarly/differently?

Analysis

To relate to someone as an ally is to walk alongside them, to pull for them as they face challenges, to hold onto a view of their best intentions even as they stumble along the road. Frank has been doing some stumbling of late, and it has landed him in jail. This does not deter Marc from relating to him as an ally, however. Notice here that Marc’s orientation to Frank draws out a particular ‘side” of Frank that he is unlikely to share with other youth in his facility. These conversations provide an opportunity for Frank to name values, purposes and intentions that promise better days ahead, and to consolidate these further with a witness who honours his efforts.