Maria and Alex – Maria is a 24-year-old, second-generation Argentinian woman living in Canada who came out as a lesbian last year. Her parents are devout Catholics and opposed to homosexuality, and she feels they have not fully absorbed her sexual orientation—they see it as a “phase”. She feels they are very gradually adjusting, but is concerned that announcing the plan to move in with her partner Lisa would disturb the current peaceful equilibrium in their relationship. Maria is getting pressure from Lisa, but is concerned that moving in would be extremely upsetting to her parents, and she is stuck as to how to go forward.

David and Christy – Christy is the 26-year-old mother of a 2-year-old daughter, Cristelle. She returned to her work as an employee assistance plan counselor 4 months ago after being off on a maternity leave. One month after returning to work she separated from her husband John. She has recently moved in with her parents, who she says are caring grandparents but have many opinions about parenting that sometimes cause stresses. Christy says she is not feeling much empathy for clients at work and not getting along with workmates.

In this brief monologue, David is recounting some news to his wife: he has been appointed to an administrative position in his organization. His verbals are not entirely explicit about his feelings regarding this development, but his nonverbals speak loudly. What is his overall message? What specific nonverbals can you name that support your claim?

Analysis

Many studies show that the majority of the meaning we convey comes not through the explicit words but rather in the form of our nonverbals—tone of voice, intonation, body language, facial expressions, volume and velocity of speech, and so on. The key indicators here of David’s sour reception to this development are in the nonverbals. Notice how the nonverbals can give highly particular meaning to words spoken, including turning superficially positive phrases into bitter irony and sarcasm.

In this second monologue on the same topic, the actual words spoken by David are identical, and yet the “message” is strikingly different. What is your take on David’s position on his appointment this time through? What nonverbals can you cite to back up you claim?

Analysis

It is not immediately apparent that the text is the same here, as the meaning conveyed is drastically different. Phrases that previously carried heavily negative connotations are now expressions of exuberant gratitude for a development he has apparently been waiting a long time for. Notice this excerpt both feels much shorter and also times out shorter, despite the same number of words spoken. 

As Maria recounts an incident that was upsetting to her, Alex pays attention to her nonverbals. Maria is not explicitly naming all of her emotional response to the incident but does appear to convey additional information nonverbally. See if you can spot any key nonverbals before Alex mentions them. Alex offers his observation of the nonverbals to Maria as a way of inviting her to expand her account of her experience. How does he do this without “telling” Maria what she is feeling, but rather giving her an opportunity to name it in her own words? What aspects of this practice might you have done similarly/differently?

Analysis

We don’t always “name” aspects of our experience although we may convey them through nonverbals. Here, Maria’s hands are “doing the talking”. But nonverbals are subject to multiple interpretations, just as spoken statements. And so Alex does not assume he knows what this experience was like for Maria, while at the same time inviting her to say more about her nonverbals. At the end of this short exchange, Alex has confirmed his impressions and has a richer sense of Marie’s experience.

Introduction

Here Maria tells a story in an expressive manner, and Alex notices what seems to be an incongruence between what he imagines the experiences was like for Maria, and the tone she share it in. What do you notice about Maria’s nonverbals in relation to what she is sharing? How does Alex share his observation without dismissing Maria’s mode of expression? What aspects of this practice might you have done similarly/differently?

Analysis

There are no universal rules for what nonverbals should accompany what emotions, but nevertheless, for two speakers from a relatively similar cultural context, there are common patterns. Here, Alex witnesses an expression on Maria’s face that does not fit with how he imagines the incident she describes must have felt for her. How hurtful was this experience? Maria is not saying explicitly and Alex takes the chance to comment on her nonverbals as a way to touch base with her on her experience of the event. In doing so Maria offers more and confirms Alex’s hunch in the process.

David has just shared the limits to confidentiality and he invites Christie to tell him why she has come in. While he is mostly concerned with giving Christie space to share her story, David also wants to ensure he has a clear picture of her situation. To do this he occasionally interrupts the flow of the story to ask clarifying and probing questions. What are some of the questions he asks and how do they help to add to the picture of Christie’s situation? What aspects of this practice might you have done similarly/differently?

Analysis

There are always decisions to be made about how often to interrupt a client’s account to seek clarifications. Too often and they may feel they are not being heard out. Not often enough and the counselor may become confused about the situation. When done in measured amounts, asking clarifying and probing questions can convey to the client that you are listening and attending, while ensuring that you are clear on the details of their story. Notice that the tone of Christie’s sharing fluctuates here and David responds accordingly. She is clearly struggling and there is cause to convey empathy for her struggles, but there are also lighter aspects to her life—such as her young child to whom she is very devoted— as well and David attempts to greet these with a tone that matches that levity.

In this brief excerpt, Alex has concluded he has good advice for Maria, and he delivers it without soliciting her input. Before responding verbally to clarify her position, Maria responds nonverbally, clearly telegraphing her view of Alex's advice. Which nonverbals do you witness here that help to tell you what Maria thinks of Alex’s input?

Analysis

Often, client nonverbal speaks strongly of how they are receiving input. For this reason, it's critical to pay attention not only to what clients say through the language they use, but what they say through their nonverbal expressions. This is especially important because at times, due to the power differential between counselors and clients, a client might use language that indicates agreement while projecting nonverbal that say otherwise. These nonverbals deserve acknowledgment and further clarification.