Gaya and Sophie – Sophie is 27 years old, married with two young children. A year ago, her husband had a routine surgery that went wrong and he has been unable to work since that time. Sophie has had to step into the primary breadwinner role. She is feeling overwhelmed, worried about finances, taking care of the children and her husband, and is sleeping poorly.

Maria and Alex – Maria is a 24-year-old, second-generation Argentinian woman living in Canada who came out as a lesbian last year. Her parents are devout Catholics and opposed to homosexuality, and she feels they have not fully absorbed her sexual orientation—they see it as a “phase”. She feels they are very gradually adjusting, but is concerned that announcing the plan to move in with her partner Lisa would disturb the current peaceful equilibrium in their relationship. Maria is getting pressure from Lisa, but is concerned that moving in would be extremely upsetting to her parents, and she is stuck as to how to go forward.

Anita and Lee – Lee is a 22-year-old college student who moved to North America from rural China with his parents when he was 13 years old. He is feeling isolated and stressed by his studies. Lee is living in residence, but characterizes himself as introverted and is not engaged in the party scene there. He enrolled in engineering and is struggling with the course load. As the first member of his family to enrol in university, Lee is feeling pressure from his parents to succeed.

David and Meena – Meena is a 24-year-old woman who was adopted at birth by parents of East Indian origin after they arrived in North America as immigrants. Meena’s father died when Meena was in her late teens. She has been experiencing stresses at work, as well as ongoing tensions with her mother. Meena says her mother regularly urges Meena not to let go of Indian traditions, and dispenses often unsolicited advice. She also has a tendency to “dismiss” Meena at times, which leads to Meena feeling hurt and underestimated. Meena feels conflicted—while she cherishes her East Indian roots, and prefers an intimate relationship with her mother, the tensions between them often get in the way. Recently Meena had a dinner with her mother and her boyfriend Jeremy that went better than usual. (*Note that more than one graduate student plays Meena in these roleplays)

David and Darren – Darren is a 35-year-old man referred to counselling from his workplace. A condition of his continued employment is that he should participate in counseling for what they describe as drinking problems.

Sophie has identified “worry” as a term to capture the problem most preoccupying her right now. What does Gaya do to learn more about the problem while separating it from Sophie’s identity? What questions does she ask to get a sense of how worry operates in Sophie’s life? What aspects of the counselor’s practice might you have done similarly/differently?

Analysis

Seeing and hearing clients as something other than the problems they are contending with is a respectful and helpful way of orienting to them; externalizing is a linguistic practice that converts that posture into words. In separating person and problem, externalizing “opens space”, giving people the chance to observe and reflect on their experience rather than merely acting it out. The result is heightened choices. 

Alex solicits Maria’s help in distilling simplified language that they can share for describing the problem at hand. How does Alex help Maria to come up with words for the dilemma she faces? What aspects of this practice might you have done similarly/differently?

Analysis

It isn’t always necessary to find one single word for “the problem”, and that is not the intention of this demonstration. But a “tag” that resonates for the client can be a useful shorthand as therapeutic conversations unfold.

Here Alex’s attempt to characterize Maria’s experience is not well received by Maria. What is it about his choice of words and his manner of presenting them that seems not to work for Maria? How does Maria respond and where does that take the two of them? What aspects of this practice might you have done similarly/differently?

Analysis

When a client feels they have permission to correct the counselor, the effect of the counselor “missing the mark” can be a further coordination of meaning. That’s what happens here as Maria supplies the language to describe how she is feeling in her current circumstances. If Alex’ is able to make adjustments in response to Maria’s input, he will increase the coordination of their understanding and contribute to strengthening the therapeutic relationship.

Here Alex picks up on Maria’s reference to being “stuck”. He “unpacks” the word further by inquiring as to what it means to Maria. He also solicits further description. Look for particular questions that are designed to elicit a multi-layered description of Maria’s experience. What new dimensions of her experience of being stuck are revealed? What descriptive adjectives emerge form the exchange to enrich their vocabulary for talking about being stuck? What aspects of this practice might you have done similarly/differently?

Analysis

Alex here does not assume that he absolutely knows what “stuck” means to Maria. His curiousity propels further questions that allow him to elicit thick description of Maria’s experience. “Stuckness” comes with both “sadness” and “frustration”. Having a clearer picture of what is problematic for Maria will also help both Alex and Maria to determine when things are getting better.

In this exchange which followed the one featured in the Problem definition excerpt in this chapter, Maria has begun to richly describe the experience of ‘being stuck”. The problem is gradually being defined be she and Alex. But her preferred outcome is less clear. Alex here seeks a richer description of how things would look in the absence of the problem. What are some questions he uses to accomplish this? What are some of the new words and phrases Maria uses to depict her preferred outcome? What aspects of this practice might you have done similarly/differently?

Analysis

Problems and preferences are flip sides of a coin in many respects; but to have a clear picture of a client’s preferred outcome (where they’d like end up when counselling has been successful) is more than simply identifying an “absence”—that is, the absence of the problem. In other words, it’s just as important to evoke thick description of preferred outcomes as it is to do this around problems. Alex seeks this here, using some of the same questions to seek thick description of Maria’s preferred outcome as he did in joining her in defining the problem.

In this excerpt also featured in Chapter Two, Anita is working with Lee at problem definition. Anita uses a variety of questions to generate a multifaceted description of Lee’s experience. Which questions stand out for you? Together, Anita and Lee identify a range of words to describe the problematic dimensions of his experience; what are some of the key terms they arrive at?

Analysis

There are various dimensions to Lee’s concerns. To prematurely hone in on just one would hamper the opportunity to get a bigger picture of what is going on for him and risk leaving out some important details. Anita’s questions range over various territories of experience, gradually enabling she and Lee to paint a multidimensional picture of what’s going on for him.

In this excerpt from the Straddling cultures video featured in Chapter One, David and Meena gradually find language to externalize the problem which he had earlier referred to as “the Bollywood version”. Meena responded to this earlier attempt at externalizing the problem, indicating that it did not quite fit for her. What term do they come up with here to describe the problem? David then sets out to determine the effects of this externalized problem in Meena’s life. What questions does he use to achieve this? What aspects of this practice might you have done similarly/differently?

Analysis

Externalizing is a linguistic practice that helps to separate a person from a problem, uncovering new possibilities that are not available when clients feel they are the problem. From this one step removed position it’s easier to examine the negative repercussions of problems in a person’s life. Here David asks a number of questions to help he and Meena get a picture of how the “Cloud” operates in her life. It “speaks” in a judgmental voice, that can feel heavy and discouraging. It also often comes between Meena and Jeremy, and Jeremy can identity it in Meena’s mood: she is “more short” and “finds things to be upset about”. David and Meena also discover that while the Cloud has a dark quality, that it lightens from time to time. As they continue to explore the problem as externalized, they come to make a distinction between some of the values associated with “traditional” Indian culture that Meena is interested in aspiring to, versus the negative critique and self-judgment sometimes associated with the Cloud.

This exchange features the practice of externalizing the problem. Darren has been referred for counseling by his employer, who has set this as a condition of his continued employment. What does Darren’s boss say is the problem here? How does Darren seem to respond to that notion? What does David ask to determine what is problematic for Darren? What phrases does David use to separate this problem from Darren while investigating its effects in Darren’s life? How would you rate Darren’s willingness to talk about this externalized problem versus talking about “drinking” or “alcohol abuse”? What indications are there here that David continues to be curious about the role of alcohol, despite Darren’s current position? What does Darren say about his drinking that might warrant that continued curiosity? Would you say this conversation is moving David and Darren closer to, or further from, the possibility of also looking into the relationship between drinking and some of the difficulties Darren is experiencing? What aspects of the counselor’s practice might you have done similarly/differently?

Analysis

A common misconception about the practice of externalizing is that it removes responsibility from persons for their actions. On the contrary, externalizing increases the possibility of a person taking responsibility because it avoids the dilemma of conversations that portray the persons themselves as “the problem”. The very impulse by clients to resist this depiction is a response that should be celebrated because it is an act in favour of their dignity. Separating the problem from their identity however does not put an end to examining their role in relation to the problem. Questions about what the person has done to diminish the influence of the problem point to their personal agency and serve to thicken accounts of when they have been able to “take charge” in relation to the problem. Here, Darren indicates he does not currently see the drinking as a problem, but “low productivity” is clearly a problem in his work life. As David asks about Darren’s actions in relation to low productivity, the conversation foregrounds Darren’s agency—his ability to vary his productivity. If drinking is indeed a factor here, this inquiry will likely uncover that connection without needing to depict Darren as “a problem drinker”.

Watch this segment of a first segment with Gaya as counselor with her client Sophie. It begins with Sophie seeking clarification about limits to confidentiality. Jot down the key words that Sophie then uses to describe the problem that brings her for counselling. What questions does Gaya use to help Sophie expand this description? How does the “plot thicken” in the sense of the description becoming more complex and multifaceted? What aspects of the counselor’s practice might you have done similarly/differently?

Analysis

The picture of the problem is an ever evolving thing There are always more angles, more nuance, to draw forth. There is a time when it feels too early to get proactive because the picture is insufficiently clear; and there is a time when it begins to feel as though—though never complete—the picture is adequately filled in to move forward. In this exchange, Gaya intermittently acknowledges Sophie’s challenges while inviting her to continue to add “brush strokes” to the emerging picture.

In this exchange, Gaya takes a stab at problem definition. What stands out for you in how she does this? To what degree is Gaya’s voice included here versus Sophie’s voice? What is it about Gaya’s approach that contributes to this? What do you see in Sophie’s body language that tells you about how receptive she is to their process? What aspects of the counselor’s practice might you have done similarly/differently?

Analysis

If the client is not granted “naming rights”, then much of the conversation can happen in a language that does not fit for capturing their experience. It is important to involve clients in problem definition, despite an inclination to rely on “professional knowledge” to identify what is problematic, perhaps in a vocabulary foreign to the client. This does not preclude the possibility of the counselor’s observations being part of problem definition, but in combination with the client’s input. The end result will often be a term that is resonant with the client’s vocabulary—something absent in this example.

This is a second example of Gaya taking a stab at defining the problem. How does it differ from the former? Would you say Sophie’s voice is more or less prominent in this problem definition? What is it about Gaya’s practice that contributes to this? What is different in Sophie’s body language and what does it tell you about how receptive she is to their process? What aspects of the counselor’s practice might you have done similarly/differently?

Analysis

There are many ways to describe challenges or problems, and these can shift over time. Nevertheless, it can be useful to consolidate some shared language that can be used by counselor and client. Here Gaya uses a fair bit of restating, pitching a few options at Sophie in inviting her to name the problem she is interested in working on. Sophie pitches a few words back at Gaya, who restates again. This leads to Sophie picking a word that resonates well for her, which turns out to be different from those mentioned to this point. For the time being “worry” will be a useful shorthand the two of them can draw on as necessary when speaking of what is problematic for Sophie. This of course does not preclude their vocabulary continuing to evolve as they continue to talk.