Anita and Lee – Lee is a 22-year-old college student who moved to North America from rural China with his parents when he was 13 years old. He is feeling isolated and stressed by his studies. Lee is living in residence, but characterizes himself as introverted and is not engaged in the party scene there. He enrolled in engineering and is struggling with the course load. As the first member of his family to enrol in university, Lee is feeling pressure from his parents to succeed.

David and Meena – Meena is a 24-year-old woman who was adopted at birth by parents of East Indian origin after they arrived in North America as immigrants. Meena’s father died when Meena was in her late teens. She has been experiencing stresses at work, as well as ongoing tensions with her mother. Meena says her mother regularly urges Meena not to let go of Indian traditions, and dispenses often unsolicited advice. She also has a tendency to “dismiss” Meena at times, which leads to Meena feeling hurt and underestimated. Meena feels conflicted—while she cherishes her East Indian roots, and prefers an intimate relationship with her mother, the tensions between them often get in the way. Recently Meena had a dinner with her mother and her boyfriend Jeremy that went better than usual. (*Note that more than one graduate student plays Meena in these roleplays)

David and Darren – Darren is a 35-year-old man referred to counselling from his workplace. A condition of his continued employment is that he should participate in counseling for what they describe as drinking problems.

Anita checks in with Lee when he returns for a second session. She is curious to know what may have changed in the past week and uses scaling questions to do this. What does she say to ensure he is clear on what the ends of the scale represent? How does she uses the question to differentiate where Lee was at last week from where is at now? At this point, who would you say is ore convinced that he has made some helpful initiatives? What tells you this? How does she also capitalize on the moment to speculate about next steps? What aspects of this practice might you have done similarly/differently?

Analysis

Scaling questions are useful both for “assessing” the current state of affairs but also building on preferred developments. Here Anita is deliberate about characterizing the slight improvement in Lee’s situation as a function of something he has done, and she joins him in exploring how he could nudge these changes a little bit further. At this stage Lee can see she has provided “evidence” of some progress, but it also appears that his discouragement mostly prevails. 

In this exchange also featured in chapter 4 as Relating as an ally, David invites Meena to recount the events of the past week. Notice how he repeatedly invites her to slow the description down and fill in the detail of exchanges between herself and her mother. Which questions accomplish this? What additional details are uncovered as a result of this practice? What aspects of this practice might you have done similarly/differently?

Analysis

The importance of “slowing things down” in counselling and therapy cannot be over-emphasized, but it is less clear how this is accomplished. It’s not by talking slower—although sometimes this can also help—but rather it has to do with the amount of concrete detail evoked in describing events. We are not normally inclined to dissect our interactions with others utterance by utterance, and yet it can be astounding what there is to discover there if we do. For instance, when we “get along better” with someone it is more often than not because we are responding to them in a subtly (or not so subtly) different way. But we rarely take the time to notice precisely how we achieve this. In this case, David takes on that task by continually inviting Meena to examine what she did differently, and what the consequences were of her changed behavior. In doing so, he helps her to become more conscious of potential choices, and in effect contributes to her sense of control of a relationship that sometimes leaves her feeling upset and dismissed.

In this segment of the Slowing the image down excerpt in this chapter, a scaling question is used to gauge changes that have occurred in the past week. By assigning number values to events, we can determine if things have gotten better or worse. If worse, this at least provides a platform for speculating about what would need to change to nudge things in a more favorable direction. When things have gotten better, scaling questions provide a rich opportunity to assess progress made as well as speculating on next steps. Here, David uses a scaling question early in a session with Meena as a vehicle for exploring events in the past week. How does he ensure that Meena is clear on the purpose of the question and on the significance of the extremes (“0” and “10”) of the scale? How does he use the scale as a vehicle for exploring what she did differently? To what extent does Meena seem to initially “own” the notion that she actually contributed to the changes? Would you say this shifts as the conversation unfolds, and if so, what do you see and hear from her that tells you she has taken on greater ownership of her successes? What aspects of this practice might you have done similarly/differently?

Analysis

For Meena, the events of the past week don’t initially stand out as all that different from events of previous ones The scaling question helps to tease out the difference, however, and to quantify it by putting a number to it. This point of reference supplies a clear cut indicator of progress, which can be affirming and motivating, and it also provides a reference point against which to gauge future developments.

Note that a scaling question alone will not necessarily help clients take ownership of the favorable developments they report. Here Meena initially concludes that she and her mom just grew “tired” of their battles—not a description that features herself as making any active choices to do things differently. Without the follow-up inquiry that begins here and continues in the excerpt in this chapter called Evoking thick description of preferred developments with a stylized question, Meena might continue to conclude that it was fate that granted she and her mother some relief from their conflict. David acknowledges the "relief” Meena feels from growing tired of the conflict, but continues to be curious as well about what she did to accomplish this relief. As this excerpt comes to a close, Meena’s languaging of the events has already begun to shift—she is talking about “stepping back” from the exchanges with her mother. What was depicted as a consequence of fatigue is now emerging as the product of active and repeatable efforts to respond differently in her mother’s company.

This is another segment of the Slowing the image down excerpt in this chapter. Meena has described an evening that went well between she and her mother. But it is not yet clear what Meena did differently. David asks a stylized question to encourage Meena to encourage a detailed account of this preferred development. How does he evoke a concrete and specific account of what Meena did? How does he get an account of what Meena did to deal with a response from her mother that would more typically derail her attempts to get along with her mother? How does he evoke a view of what happened through the eyes of others? What phrase do David and Meena end up using to depict what she did to make the evening work? What aspects of this practice might you have done similarly/differently?

Analysis

Here, Meena has had a positive turn her relationship with her mother; the moment is rife with possibility for learning. But it’s hard to “do more of what works” unless you have a clear picture of what you actually did. David helps Meena to examine her evening with her mother in precise detail so she can determine what she did differently. His stylized question is designed to compel an attention to detail not always present in recounting a positive turn of events. By soliciting a view of the evening through Jeremy’s eyes, he gathers more detail while also reminding Meena of the impact of these positive events on someone she cares for.

Darren has been referred for counseling by his employer, who has set this as a condition of his continued employment due to what they name as alcohol abuse. It becomes clear at the outset that Darren does not (currently, at least) regard his drinking as “a problem”. What is Darren’s view of what is problematic—besides the fact that his boss is on his case? What externalization do they settle on to talk about this issue? Why do you think David took this approach rather than speaking directly about “alcohol abuse”? What questions are used to develop a picture of the impact of drinking in Darren’s life? How does the externalizing contribute to engaging Darren around the topic? What signs do you see of movement in Darren’s readiness to talk about the topic as the conversation unfolds? What aspects of this practice might you have done similarly/differently?

Analysis

There are three people involved in making meaning about Darren’s behavior here: Darren, David, and Darren’s employer, Jack Stevens. It is important that David keep Darren’s’ view of what the problem is if he wants to work collaboratively with Darren. This does not necessarily mean letting go of other ideas; but it does mean pacing the inquiry at a rate that suits where Darren is currently at in relation to the topic at hand. The definition of problems often shifts through therapeutic conversations and this is likely to happen here over time. But for now, it’s important that David meets Darren where he is at, especially because he has clearly indicated that he is not happy to be participating in counselling. Notice that this approach can be contrasted with the practice of “confrontation”, which privileges the counselor’s view over the client’s. To do otherwise is not to let go of a strongly held impression, but to hold it differently, and to gradually invite the client to entertain an alternative perspective if it appears that doing so would be helpful to them.