Anita and Lee – Lee is a 22-year-old college student who moved to North America from rural China with his parents when he was 13 years old. He is feeling isolated and stressed by his studies. Lee is living in residence, but characterizes himself as introverted and is not engaged in the party scene there. He enrolled in engineering and is struggling with the course load. As the first member of his family to enrol in university, Lee is feeling pressure from his parents to succeed.

David and Meena – Meena is a 24-year-old-woman who was adopted at birth by parents of East Indian origin after they arrived in North America as immigrants. Meena’s father died when Meena was in her late teens. She has been experiencing stresses at work, as well as ongoing tensions with her mother. Meena says her mother regularly urges Meena not to let go of Indian traditions, and dispenses often unsolicited advice. She also has a tendency to “dismiss” Meena at times, which leads to Meena feeling hurt and underestimated. Meena feels conflicted—while she cherishes her East Indian roots, and prefers an intimate relationship with her mother, the tensions between them often get in the way. Recently Meena had a dinner with her mother and her boyfriend Jeremy that went better than usual. (*Note that more than one graduate student plays Meena in these roleplays)

David and Noah - Noah is a 30-year-old graduate student, married to Joanne with a 3-year-old daughter, Samantha. His life is currently very hectic and he has been struggling with the pace of things. He has been concerned about his mood lately, saying he feels “down” much of the time. In one session, he reports distress about an incident that happened a few days ago. He was in a small town and met another young man, who, upon learning that Noah was Jewish, asked “How come you’re not in the ovens?”

In a two-way conversation focused on generating a description of something, both speakers contribute words to the description. Here, the task at hand is to develop a rich picture of what is going on for Lee, but it is not only his words that contribute to painting the picture. Pay attention to which key words are added to this exchange by Lee, and which come from Anita. Also look for instances where the introduction of a word by Lee prompts the addition of a new word by Anita, as well as vice verse (Anita’s language generates new language from Lee).

Analysis

We do more than merely “transmit” our personal experience to another person when we describe what is going on for us. That’s because we can’t separate our experience from the language we use to speak about it, and in a two-way conversation, that language multiplies and is enriched by the other person. In this example, Lee puts out words out for Anita to pick up, and Anita generates alternate words herself that serve to expand Lee’s experience of what is going on for him. Lee’s and Anita’s lists of words to describe Lee’s experience at the start of this conversation is different than their lists at the end of it. For both of them, their vocabularies have been expanded, giving them more ways to think and talk about Lee’s experience. In this way, conversations can extend a person’s experience of I through the co-generation of language with a second speaker. 

In this excerpt from the “Straddling cultures” video featured in Chapter 1, Meena is describing pressures she experiences from her mother to adopt traditional Indian values, and the impact of this pressure on her and on her relationship with her partner Jeremy. David adopts a metaphor to try and capture this dilemma; how well does it “fly”? What does David do to invite Meena to evaluate the metaphor and how does their mutual understanding of the issue evolve as a result of her response?

Analysis

Metaphors have a poetic quality to them which can help to capture an experience otherwise difficult to pin down with literal language. But when that experience is the client’s, it is always the client who will be the best judge of how well it fits. Here, David runs with a metaphor (“the Bollywood version”) that he initially seems to feel nails Meena’s dilemma. When he invites her to comment on the metaphor “does that fit”?), however, Meena makes an adjustment, and clarifies the pressure is not to adhere to the glitz associated with Bollywood movies. It’s more about some fundamental values associated with “traditional” Indian culture that she is drawn to and wants to accommodate in her life.

In this exchange, the meaning of an event as understood by the two people talking about it shifts significantly over the course of a few minutes. What is Noah’s original take on what happened in the event he describes? What is the meaning of what occurred as understood by David and Noah at the end of the conversation?

Analysis

In this brief conversation, David invites Noah to entertain an alternate understanding of an event by asking questions. Although David never “challenges” the view that Noah first introduces, his questions erode one version of events and suggest another. Notice that David solicits concrete detail in order to support the alternate view he is inviting Noah to consider. In later chapters we will look closer at the conversational practices David is drawing on here, and the ideas informing them.